I Can't Fix You

It's true.

I know, I know.  This sounds crazy coming from a therapist.  That is why people come see me right?!?!?!

Wrong.

I can’t fix you!

First of all…

You.  Are. NOT. Broken. 

You may be struggling with mental illness.  You may be overwhelmed with life problems. You may feel heart broken or helpless.  You may be trying to overcome trauma.

That does not mean you are broken.

It means you are hurting.  It means you are having a really hard human experience. And yes, coming to a therapist and getting counseling can help.  I believe with all my heart and have seen with my own eyes, huge transformations with people that feel better after working with me, but I assure you, I did NOT fix them! I can’t.

Second, YOU are in control of YOU.  That means you are the one that has to be open and willing to change.  You have to be willing to be open and honest and vulnerable.  You have to be brave enough to face your darkest shadows and confront them.  You have to want to heal and put in the work that it takes to get there.

Third, you decide what will work.  If you are dead set and determined that therapy won’t work, you won’t let it.  You have to trust the process and stick with it.

So how does that work?  How is it that people get better after going to therapy, if the therapist does not FIX them???

It is because, even though I can’t fix you, there are things I can do that will help you heal yourself.

1.  I will listen.  I will REALLY listen to you, in a way you may have never experienced.  In a way that makes you feel so safe, you might be surprised that you are opening up in ways you never expected, saying things you have never told anyone.  I won’t judge you.  I won’t make it about me.  I will simply be with you, as you safely explore your real feelings about your experiences.  I will give you a safe place, where there are no WRONG feelings.

2.  I will be with you as you explore new ways to think about things, new lenses in which to view the world.  I will help you discover your patterns of thought and behavior that you are using and don’t recognize are no longer serving you.  I will help you figure out new perspectives and behaviors that may serve you better, that you aren’t aware of because you are too IN the problem to be able to see the big picture. 

3. I will teach you skills that will empower you to help yourself.  Skills that have been proven by research to help people who have gone through similar things and had similar goals. 

4.  I will believe in you, even when you don’t believe in yourself.  I will hold you accountable for reaching the goals you set out to accomplish and are capable of. I will point out the lies you tell yourself and excuses you make.  I will celebrate with you when you succeed and lift yourself up and I will offer you hope when you fall.

5.  I will empower you to help yourself to a point you will no longer need me.  I won’t abandon you, but I will not create a relationship where you are only okay when you are relying on me.  I will teach you that only you will be able to heal you and you don’t need others outside of you to be okay.  Similar to Dorthy when she got her red slippers and realized she had it in her all along.

No, I can't fix you, but I will be happy to accompany you on your journey to healing and self discovery!